


My only comfort

by TheHipsterNugget



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self Harm, Self-Harm, Zane had depression and self harms, self-harm comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:21:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27389374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHipsterNugget/pseuds/TheHipsterNugget
Summary: ⚠️WARNING FOR DESCRIPTION OF SELF HARM AND POSSIBLE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS PLEASE DO NOT READ IF SELF HARM TRIGGERS YOU!!⚠️Zane has a problem with self harm and Travis walks in on him, but isn't judgmental like Zane had feared. Perhaps Travis knows more about these kinds of things than Zane had thought?
Relationships: Zane Ro'Meave/Travis Valkrum
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	My only comfort

Zane has had depression for as long as he could remember. Well, he blocked out most of his childhood anyway so who knows. It was years ago, during his first semester at college, when he first started self harming to try and cope. At first it was just scratching at his wrist till it bled, it was pulling on his hair and punching himself angrily, but it progressed with his depression as it got worse. Ever since he’d long since finished college, but his habits didn’t go away. His depression had gotten less severe with no more stress of exams and classes, but he still had days where all he could do was cry and cry, until he cut. 

Even with friends such as Aaron, Dante, Kawaii chan, and even his brother, he had never told them about his self harming, he was terrified of what they would think if they knew he did. He was terrified of being hospitalized, of being forced into therapy, of being judged. The only people he had ever told was his closest friend Aphmau, and his boyfriend Travis. Even with those two knowing, Zane insisted to them he was fine and that the scars were old. They weren’t. 

Tonight was a night where Zane was alone in his apartment, Travis worked the night shift at his job and wouldn’t be home till 10. Zane was usually okay being alone, he thrived off being alone after all, he was an introvert. But being alone came with his flaws, being alone during a panic attack is definitely one of those flaws. It had started while he was getting a drink of water in the kitchen, intrusive thoughts filled his head and he started to feel panicked. Without Travis there for reassurance and comfort, he only started to panic more. 

“What if he never comes back? What if he hates me? What if he wants to break up with me? He’s going to leave me, he’s going to leave me...” He knew he should’ve texted or called Travis, but he feared calling him would ruin his day, or he would be bothering him, or interrupting his work. He didn’t want to bother Travis, he didn’t want to bother anyone. This was his problem after all, that was the thought he had driven into his head. This was all his fault and he should be able to deal with it on his own, telling anyone else would just be a bother. He would just be a nuisance.

Soon he was on the bathroom floor, curled up in a ball sobbing uncontrollably. He was shaking so bad that his teeth even started to chatter. After long enough, he couldn’t take it anymore, he didn’t want to keep feeling this way. “Nngh... n-no more.. I c.. I can’t... go away.. make it go away...” He shakily reached into the drawer of the bathroom, where he kept his razor, and rolled up his sleeve. A myriad of scars, fresh and old laid across his wrist, and more were soon to be made. He was shaking still as he brought the razor down onto his skin, the instant he cut into his flesh he let out a cry of relief. “Ahh.. fuck...” Zane whimpered finally getting a moment of peace, of moment where he didn’t have to think about anything but the stinging pain in his wrist. 

He continued to leave cuts, each one bringing a new burning sensation that filled his head, it pushed all his other worries and thoughts aside as his body struggled to fight the pain. Zane had stopped crying at this point, his former expression of anguish was now more blank as he stared at the bleeding gashes on his wrist. His breathing had slowed and the loss of blood left him woozy, he leaned against the edge of the bathtub panting slowly. It was about then, while he laid in the bathroom alone when Travis arrived home from work. 

“Zane, pumpkiiiin! I’m home!” Travis called as he kicked his shoes off at the door and took his jacket off. Usually Zane would come running and kiss and hug Travis all over the minute he walked in, so Travis found it odd when Zane didn’t come out to greet him. “...Zuzu?” He walked down the hall now and noticed the bathroom light on. “Oh, you taking a shower or a bath honey? ....honey..? Are you okay...?” Travis waited for only a moment before opening the bathroom door, worried for Zane. He let out a gasp seeing Zane laying on the bloody bathroom floor beneath him. “Oh my god- j-jesus fuck, Zane!” He quickly ran over to him and kneeled next to him, pulling him up onto his lap, he looked over his wounds with wide eyes.

Zane was barely conscious as he looked up at Travis with a blank and sort of lost look in his eyes. “...Travis..? You.. you came home...” He murmured weakly. 

“Y-Yes, yes of course I came home... why wouldn’t I? F-Fuck, I need to stop this bleeding...” Travis reached up into a drawer and pulled out a roll of bandages. With shaky hands, he started to wrap these bandages around Zanes wrists and arms. Zane murmured under his breath, still on the verge of passing out.

“I... I thought you might hate me.. you got tired of me...” He said as Travis finished up tightening up the bandages. “That’s.. why I didn’t call you... I didn’t want to bother you...”

“Oh, Zane.. I would never leave you... never...” Travis ran a hand through Zanes hair gently and picked him up, carrying him back to their room. “You don’t have to worry about bothering me... you’re more important than anything else in my life, okay? Never be afraid to call me.. especially when something like this happens...” He spoke softly to Zane, he wanted to make sure he felt loved and cared for, that was the most important thing.

“Mmh.. okay... I’m sorry, Travis...” Zane leaned his face into the crook of Travis’s neck. 

Travis closed their bedroom door behind him and took Zane to the bed, laying down with him. “Don’t apologize... it’s okay..” He cooed, his hand still running through Zanes hair. “You’re so strong, you know that..? I’m really proud of you, Zane...”

“You’re.. proud of me....?” Zanes eyes had already faltered shut, he was nearly asleep but still processed every word of praise Travis fed to him. It went right to his heart.

“Yes, of course... I know how hard this is, but you’re getting through it so well... you have nothing to be ashamed of or to apologize for...” Travis held Zane close and protective like. “I love you...”

A small and weak smile came across Zanes face. “I... I love you too, Travis...” With that, Zane drifted off into a peaceful sleep, nuzzled in Travis’s arms.

“...I won’t let you deal with this alone... I promise.. I’ll always be here....”


End file.
